Why Not Shakespeare?

 

 

   

Why Not Shakespeare?

 

It’s been two years since I analysed a Shakespeare play. I’ve re-read Hamlet since then but didn’t re-analyse it. My hand has hovered over several of the plays I’ve yet to re-analyse but so far I’ve chosen something non-Shakespeare to read.

Why? Have I gone off him? Definitely not. Is there nothing left to analyse? Stupid question. Will I ever finish the folder ‘Play analyses 2’? I don’t know. I certainly hope so.  But why, seemingly, no longer Shakespeare?

There are no doubt several reasons, one being that even the most passionate obsessions cool down with time. Some even disappear, although never completely. But my Shakespeare obsession, I’m sure, is still firmly in place, but resting.

Yes, resting. It takes a lot of energy to obsess, and I have had so little energy these past years. What I have, has mostly been spent on Hal.

A big part of the obsession was shared with Hal, reading the plays aloud together, watching films together, his comments on my analyses, going to the Globe together in London, reading the same books about Shakespeare. But as Hal’s illness has progressed these things have fallen away. When he could no longer read aloud because his vision worsened and his voice weakened, I read to him but after reading Hamlet most recently he said he could no longer follow along. His concentration was gone, his confusion increasing.

I was still eager to continue on my own, but more and more time and energy were needed to take care of Hal. Then came Covid and like many others I found myself on hold. Couldn’t concentrate on anything. Couldn’t take in deeper books or films.

In March Hal moved to a care home nearby. The physical burden of caring for him has been lifted from me but much of the practical and all the emotional ties are still there. I cherish living alone but I have not yet regained my energy and concentration. At the moment, I even have Covid and though it is not a serious case, it is slow to let me go.

When it does…

When it does and I learn to use my time and energy more wisely, Shakespeare, I will be back.

I miss you.